Reverse Psychology of Temptation

I am sharing this column by Peter Bregman.  I enjoyed reading it and I think you will too, especially if you have people in your life who try to tempt you with poor choices!                

"Oh this is delicious, Peter. The ice cream is homemade, the perfect consistency, And this lemon cookie on top, mmmmm. Are you sure you don't want some?"
Tom smiled devilishly as he reached across the table to hand me a spoon. Tom is my client, the CEO of a $900 million company. I was in San Francisco to run a two-day offsite meeting for him and his leadership team. We've worked together for almost a decade and he's become a close, trusted friend.
We were at Greens in San Francisco, a vegetarian restaurant Tom had chosen because he had seen their cookbooks on my shelf in New York and knew I would love it.
Tom was teasing me because earlier in the meal I told him I was off sugary desserts. There's no medical reason or necessity for me to avoid sugar; I simply feel better when I'm not eating it. But he's seen me eat large quantities of sugary treats in the past and knows my willpower can be weak.
"It does look good and I'm glad you're enjoying it," I said, "but you're on your own. There's no chance I'm eating any."
"C'mon Peter, these desserts are healthy, and all we've eaten is vegetables anyway. It would be a real missed opportunity if you didn't at least taste the desserts at Greens; it's your favorite kind of food."
He took a bite from a second dessert he had ordered just to tantalize me — a berry pie — and rolled his eyes in mock ecstasy, "Ooh, this is good. And it's basically just fruit. Go ahead, have just a bite." As he edged it closer to my side of the table, the red caramelized berries dripped juice over the side of the plate.
The reasons to taste the desserts were compelling. Even putting aside the fact that Tom is a client and there's always some pressure to please clients, his rationalizations were the same rationalizations that were floating inside my head.
But here's the interesting thing: the more he pressured me to eat dessert, the stronger my resolve not to eat dessert grew.
My reaction caught me off guard and offered me a surprising strategy for helping people sustain change: if you want to help someone stick to a decision, try tempting him out of it. In other words, enticing someone to break a commitment can be a great tool to help him maintain his commitment.
Here's why: Going into the dinner, I had one reason I didn't want to eat dessert. But Tom's taunting gave me another reason: I was embarrassed to break my commitment in the face of his teasing. I didn't want to be the guy who caves in to peer pressure.
Maybe it's just my rebellious nature, but when my wife Eleanor reminds me that I don't really want to eat that cookie in my hand, I quickly try to stuff it in my mouth before she can stop me. Even though I've asked her to help me, my feeling is, "I'll eat whatever I want to eat!" It becomes a fun game, a challenge. Somehow, when she's helping me, I become a little less accountable.
But when Tom was egging me on, the tables were turned. I was fully responsible for my own actions. I knew I was on my own. And I also knew that the stakes were high; If I ate the dessert I would never live it down. The brilliance of the psychology is that Tom made it more fun — and free-spirited — to not eat dessert. And successfully withstanding his pressure built my confidence in my commitment.
This approach has broad application. Do you have a colleague who wants to speak less in meetings? Try egging her on. Someone who wants to leave work at a decent time? Prod him at 5pm with his incomplete to-do list. A spouse who's trying to stay off email at night? Dangle her BlackBerry in front of her at bedtime.
There are two conditions necessary to make this an effective strategy and keep it good-natured: The commitment the person wants to make needs to be self-motivated and the person doing the ribbing needs to be a trusted friend who doesn't abuse positional power.
What happens when the prodding is over? It turns out that the motivating impact of that dinner has lasted long after dinner was done. Usually, offsite meetings are particularly dangerous for me as far as sugar consumption is concerned. But this time I didn't eat any sugar during the meeting and I haven't eaten any since. It's been a month since I stopped eating sugar — a month that included a week-long vacation with my wife Eleanor in France — a month filled with opportunities to eat delicious-looking sugary treats.
But each time I'm tempted, I pause, remembering that dinner with Tom, and I think "if I didn't eat dessert then — with all that pressure and temptation and lots of good reasons to eat dessert — why would I eat it now?"

One Piece, One Bite

We had a dinner party yesterday for my mother-in-law and her husband, who are visiting from Dayton.  It was a lovely day, but a really long and tiring day.  By the time I got to the dinner portion of the day, I was stressed.  The menu included tons of veges ( jicama, carrots, celery, greeen beans) to pick on as appetizers, even more veges (onions, red and yellow bell pepper, eggplant and zucchini) on the grill with chicken, turkey and/or salmon on the grill.  I supplemented the menu with a brown rice salad full of even more veges (green onions, cherry tomatoes, edamame, black beans and corn).  I didn't repeat one vege!  I also offered grilled garlic bread.  It looked and smelled heavenly.  I ended up sucumbing and enjoying a piece with my dinner of veges, brown rice salad and grilled turkey.

Then to help celebrate my mother-in-law's husband's birthday, we had ordered a coconut cake from Thyme in the Ranch (redonkulously amazing spot in Rancho Santa Fe).  I did not have a piece, but I did eat one bite of the "scrods" as I was cleaning up in the kitchen. 

So, I say...one piece and one bite because I did eat those things but I am completely happy and proud of myself that I did not have more.  When we do eat something off plan, why not consider having a very small portion?  It turns out that I did not feel guilty.  Truthfully, at the end of the evening I was simply too darn tired to feel anything except for my head hitting the pillow!

Desire to enjoy a taste.  Dedication to planning healthy options.   Discipline to stop at just one.

C-O-N-T-R-O-L!

Realistically, I realize that I have very little, if any, control over most of my life.  I know the "big guy" upstairs holds the real control.  Still, there are times when I pretend I do.  Yesterday was one of those days.  In honor of my Dad's birthday, I stopped in at See's Candies to select a few sweet treats for him.  [Note: I hand selected a few of his favorites (anything with coconut in it) that went into a small box.]

An important detail is that whenever you walk into a See's store, they offer you a free sample.  So, when asked, I responded with "I'll have a scotch mallow please."  I am not a big chocolate person, but that particular piece of candy is superbly delicious!  Here is where my control kicked in.....I brought that single piece home with me, put it in a little ziplock baggie and put it into the back of my refirgerator, where it will stay until I am ready to eat it!

I held firm at the birthday celebration with no breads, no wine, no homemade chocolate cake or ice cream, and instead opted for some fresh blueberries and watermelon.

I am not ready to reintroduce all sugars into my diet again.  It has been 34 days with no processed sugar and I actually FEEL the difference.  I went 3 weeks with no sugars at all.  Then at day 22 I re-introduced fresh fruit.  Now, I have added a few other carbs like like oatmeal and Ezekiel toast.  I feel healthy, I feel strong and I feel happy.  Not a bad outcome!

Have you tried eliminating sugars?  If you do, let me know how it goes for you!

Desire to feel good.  Dedication to controlling impulses.  Discipline to keep the piece of candy in the back of the refrigerator.    

Ahhhh, Sweet Summer!

Thank you summer, for producing so many gorgeous vegetables and fruits!  I have moved on to phase 2 of South Beach, which means including some fruits and whole grains.  Like I have said before, very much aligned with the "Patty" approach to eating (I don't like calling it a "diet")!  25 days with no sugar (none, nada, zero, zippo), and I feel virtuous!  I have conquered the "monster".  It is now up to me, and not my cravings, to decide if and when I want to eat something with sugar again.

Our neighbors have a garden and have been on vacation.  They asked us to harvest their garden while they were away.  Their garden has been producing beautiful yellow summer squash.  It is so delicious and has found it's way into most of our meals.  I have sauteed it (in chicken broth) with onions, I have roasted it in the oven with a drizzle of EVOO and we have grilled it on the BBQ outside.  So delicious!  This morning, I chopped a huge fresh squash right out of the garden, sprayed the pan with PAM, tossed in a chopped onion and a few handfulls of spinach, cooked that until the veges were soft then tossed in beaten egg whites with a little shredded lofat mozzarella.....DELICIOUS Sunday morning breakfast scramble.  Our garden this year is all flowers but we are considering starting our own vege garden.  It really is a blast to pick something out of the garden and eat it!

So look around at your grocery store, farmers market or maybe in your own back yard!  Select veges you may not have tried and get creative!  No matter what eating plan you are on, there is one thing they all agree on......load up on fresh yummy veges to improve your health!

Desire to include at least 5 servings of veges every day. Dedication to seeking out the freshest, most delicious veges for you. Discipline to buying and preparing more veges in the most healthy way possible.

Summer Celebrations - Keeping It Real

Summer is in full swing.  I have sun tea brewing in the back yard right now.  Awesome decaf tea bags with fresh apple mint leaves from the garden.  It will be a tasty treat later on for sure!  It seems that every day there is another opportunity to "celebrate" summer.  By celebrate, I mean eat off plan.  I had a wonderful lunch with some dear dear friends last Friday.  They went for glasses of cold crisp white wine, sweet potato fries and more.  I had iced tea and a lite little salad.

I was in Dallas on a business trip Monday -Thursday last week.  I had a big department lunch and 2 dinners with colleagues.  Each time, I made positive healthy choices and did not "stray".  I stayed at a beautiful hotel with a huge breakfast buffet.  But instead of the buffet, I ordered from the menu, my egg whites and veges.  My final night at the hotel, I did a cardio workout and went to the restaurant for dinner.  I ordered the scallop appetizer, but asked for them broiled dry.  Then I ordered a salad with seared ahi on top, asking for no croutons, no cheese and no dressing.  The waiter was very obliging.  As he removed my empty plates, he said with a smile....I guess you don't want to see the desert menu?  I chuckled and said no.  He said...that would just undo all your great work. 

It was funny how validated I felt by his simple comment.  So nice that a total stranger recognized that I was indeed working hard to be healthy.  Thank you Mr. Server, whoever you are!    

So, I am on day 18 of "South Beach" eating, aka, Patty's plan.  Zero sugar.  Zero fruit.  Zero grains.  Zero starchy vege.  Lots of fresh vegetables, lots of lean proteins, small amount of low fat or fat free dairy.  I must admit, I really LOVE my sugar free popsicles at night.  It is amazing how they satisfy my sweet tooth.  I am 6 lbs lighter.  That makes me happy.

Even better news, my Mom has shed 7 pounds.  And she has been following this eating pattern for only 9 days!  You go Mom!!!!

So, I am enjoying and celebrating summer.  The light, the air, the fresh herbs, the summer squash from the garden, dips in the jacuzzi, walks on the beach, all the beautiful flowers......Hooray for summer!

Desire to celebrate summer.  Dedication to maintaining my focus.  Discipline to say "no thank you".

Try for 25!

Kathi (my trainer, who took a first place in last Sunday's Carlsbad Tri!) "mixed it up" yet again during my mid-week workout this week.  Instead of doing 15 reps of each exercise, she had me do 25 reps of each.  I did 12 stations, 25 reps each, 2 full rotations.  So, if you do the math, it is only 5 extra reps for each exercise.  Normally I do 15 reps for 3 rotations, equalling 45 total reps of an exercise.

She said by increasing the number of reps to 25, it is essentially giving your msucles an endurance workout.  I thought.....no big deal, I'll just pound out 25 reps.  WELL, LET ME TELL YOU......there is a very big difference between 15 and 25, even though it is just 10 little reps!  I was very surprised at how the level of difficulty went so far up!  Our bodies have muscle memory, so during the first 15 reps, my muscles were saying...OK, this is a normal workout.  Then, BAM, add another 10 and my muscles really started talking to me! 

It made me think how our bodies get accustomed to all aspects of what we do, what we eat, how much we hydrate, how much we sleep, how much we drink, how much we relax, how much we love, and everything else!  So, if you want to teach your body a new level of performance, just add another 10 reps, or whatever that translates to for you!  Try it and let me know how it goes for you!

BTW, I am at the end of day 10 of the 2 week induction for South Beach.  Just 4 short days left.  I have not strayed one little tiny bit.  I feel good.  The waistband for my slacks fit better.  I am happy with my effort!

Desire to see what else my body can do.  Dedication to push a little harder.  Discipline to push for just 10 more!

I Am Off to Miami!

What I mean is that I began the South Beach Diet.  The day after the 4th of July.  I am loving it.  It is very much aligned with what I think of as the "Patty" diet.  The first 2 weeks is the most restricted including lots of lean protiens, lots of low glycemic veges, low fat cheese, fat free cottage cheese, a few nuts, lots of water and sugar free popsicles if you want a treat.  The instructions encourage you to eat until you are full and not to bother counting calories or points or anything else.  After the induction 2 weeks, then you add in a few low glycemic fruits and grains and eat that way until you reach your goal.

My goal is to stay following this program until our trip in September to Cape Cod to celebrate our 25th anniversary!  The 2 months will fly by.

I feel really good.  I am not hungry.  The discipline is positive for me.  It is how I see results. 

So, go ahead, buy a ticket to Miami and join me on the beach, South Beach that is!

Desire to be disciplined.  Dedication to being disciplined.  Discipline to pay attention to the deisre.